A letter to those of you I know in Scotland as, tomorrow, I will be moving on xxx
Above is a photo of Ross and I as we arrived in Scotland in June last year (yes, that’s me peaking out at the bottom! 😉 ). We were full of hope, excitement and vision about starting our journey up here together and had the intention to stay.
I have returned to Edinburgh many times over the many years of travels and time spent living abroad. Every time I have returned I have felt held, supported and a sense of ease. This time was a bit different for me. A valuable time no doubt but one where doors seemed to close for me and I could feel a strong sense of ‘not right now’ as if the city were speaking to me. I tried to conveniently ignore this for a while but, as we all know, these voices only get louder…
I swallow the medicine of this time and allow it to connect me deeper with my truth so that I may find the words and actions to speak and live more fully what is real for me. This time has shown me that old habits of keeping quiet so as not to ‘rock the boat’ still exist within me. And yet, when I did eventually give voice to what was true for me, I was mostly met with support, understanding and compassion. It has also been really interesting being with the resistance, the longing and all that has arisen over these wintery months. There is so much juice for me in this that I think it will take me a while to digest!
I would like to add that I do not see these “old habits” as anything particularly to get rid of. Rather, I intend to work with them and see them more as grist for the mill, valuable information about where my limitations lie, aspects of myself to befriend and develop a relationship with that serves my being and our world somehow. Juice!
Doors have opened too and for those I am immensely grateful. I have felt a strong sense of growth during this time, both in my inner world and in the world in which I share my ever evolving body of work.
It became clear to me a while ago that ‘yoga’ as it can be approached in both the East and the West has felt limiting to me. I have long been called by something deeper than patriarchal systems and the fixation of ancient texts (as valuable as these can be, no disrespect meant), to dive into a world that is beyond my control, that reveals itself to me moment to moment with each step, that is ever evolving and present in the living cells of this body. I have so much enjoyed stretching through the space of my mind, body and spirit and exploring new landscapes that I integrate now into my work and living being.
I truly want to thank those of you who have come on that journey with me in these last months. Your presence has given me a sense of trust in what I share as I navigate my way through these ever unknown terrains. I totally understand that this work is not for everyone, yet it is the path I must walk for now because the other would no longer be true or satisfying for me.
I would like to wish all of you the very very best, those of you who I have seen and those I have not. I will be back towards the end of June to share a workshop then so please do stay tuned and remember you can always check here for what’s going on!
And, for those of you who are interested in delving deeper into somatics and presence in between, I have compiled a ‘resources’ page on my website with lots of great talks, practices, videos, articles and links… do check it out! Click here.
So, farewell for now and I will leave you with this quote by Rilke that I read at the ‘Curiosity’ workshop a couple of weeks ago. ( I had a lot of fun by the way, thank you all for coming and for all you contributed to the day!)…
may it be for you all 🙂
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”